Funny Man Beer

I visited some relatives last night and although the good times keep comin with that lot, I could not help but think back to the time when I lived with the funniest man roaming the face of the earth- if you guessed Mr. Beer, you get an 'A' in history.

I mean, look at the picture dudes. What is there not to love.

Mr. Beer is oh so funny. The man can lay on a blanket in the middle of an Escandido park with homeless bums roaming around taking food from complete teenage strangers and STILL pop off seeming useless history trivia. Not bad in my book.

Shout out to the Beer! Keep it up old man:)

Your faithful fan,

Furry

I love my hair short.

Reasons for short hair

1. I like it

2. Shorter shower time

3. Use less shampoo

4. Tend to style more when short

5. Boys don't like it... woops! Did I just type that:)

6. I cannot think of another reason other than I just kinda want to wack it all off!

I wanted to share a rather funny facebook post between some friends and I... it made me cry from laughing so hard- join in the fun!

Sarah Anderson: (note to Pookie)

Woman! I have a funny story for you… Once upon a time (aka yesterday around 8:15 in the pm) Sarah was told by an intramural ref that her shorts were too short. Sarah adamantly denied the accusation and quickly pointed out that said chica had approved three other female players with the SAME EXACT shorts on to play. Chica stumbled over the few words in vocabulary and mustered up the following excuse“I get to have the last say and they don’t hit your leg where I think they should.” Could it be- chica- that the shorts really are BYU approved, but that my legs take up ¾ of my body so it looks a wee bit different?????! Discrimination comes in all forms. I almost tore her head off her scrawny, white, pathetic looking body. Stay tune!Read More

Scruffy McScruff: (comments on my note)

this one time: they made me go home and shave. so i did. i raced home, shaved, and raced back. i went back to the same chick and she said i missed a spot, and made me go home and shave again. and this was before i even had to shave in all reality. i think that's why i hate shaving forever now. but i also learned that the intramural dudes cared a lot less as to whether you shaved or not. next time, i suggest checking into the game with a dude - doubt he'll mind sexy short shorts. hhEEeeeEEEy girl hhHHheeEEEEyYYy!!

Pookie: (comments after Scruffy's note)

I am peeing my pants right now. No seriously. One time whilst playing flag football, there was a girl on the other team who thought she was more of a pro athlete than an intramural college student. She was playing unnecesarily rough against me and I decided to let her know I was no sissy. The evil sinister villain came out in me and the next play I decided whethere she had the ball or not, I would "think" she did and grab her flags/ britches and pants her. Humiliation was my weapon to get her off my back. The ball flew and I yanked hard and her one pant leg ripped entirely off fom about 4 inches below the crotch on down exposing her white ninjas for all to see. Everyone was concerned over her underwear debacle. I giggled manically at the snafu. O'doyle Rules!

I feel that every story should have a take-away lesson (aka tal)...

TAL from intramural conversation-
1. An intramural ref must possess one or all of the above - power trip, sucks at the actual sport and feels the need to be connected in some way or another, has no life and hungers for social interaction.

2. I love my friends:)

By tomorrow, I have to write/prepare a 50 minute lesson for mission prep and I realized this morning that I have a finance test that I have to take. Surely you could guess that I have neither started the lesson outline nor cracked a book for studying. My studious nature ran away the moment I graduated High School.

I'm sitting at our ridiculously small dining table fooling around with my music. Rayray and I had just had a giggle about my aggressive appetite for junk food. The moment my mind knows it needs to study, it thinks it can avoid the chore by dreaming of pumpkin cookies, or better-than-sex cake, or some other devilish treat. Tricky huh?!

I skim over Whitney. Whit and I go way back. At the tender age of six, she capture a part of my heart that she still holds oh so tightly! I Will Always Love You- the best song in the entire world.

Whenever this song came on in the car, I would make my best friend's mom crank it up so I could sing. Kate tried to get a note in here or there, but for the most part, my seriously quick "shut it" yelps would do the trick. I could imagine myself on a grand stage, wearing a fat diamond necklace and shimmery evening gown belting out this song.

It was that bad.

Naturally, I couldn't pass my song without listening. click... a moment later, the exquisite voice of Mrs. Houston floods the kitchen.

My phone was the only potentially decent amp in sight. I grabbed it. I performed. Years of Whitney worshiping has left me with a mean lip syncing skill.

Somehow you can put on the best show in you for the imaginary audience, but the moment Rachel and her video camera sneak out of their hiding spot, you instantly become conscious of the fat zit on your chin, the crack in your voice, and the sloppy hair.

I can't believe she got that on film.

Yucky sickness- BEGONE!

Picture this-

• sore throat- need I say more?
• mean cough... the type that causes you to lean forward every time you hack because you fear you will choke on your innards as they progressively inch their way up the abdomen
• aches- I've always considered myself to have a mean pain tolerance level. I think I'm seriously losing it! I look like the Hunchback of Notre Dome
• runny and stuffy nose... why can't I just have one? The 'crane just hit my face' feeling caused by a stuffy nose should be plenty. Noooooooooo! My lovely body feels the need to leave me helplessly miserable with both Niagara Falls and the hit in the face. Cool.
• lethargy- do not take your sleep for granted! As of late, I've been careless and my immune system is screaming for copious amounts of sleep and a Vitamin C overdose.

Did I mention that I love the rain?

Well, I do.

We caught Jerry!!!

Just the other night, at a hometown football game, my wife and I... woooohaaaaa!

Sorry bout that sisters and brothers! I'm just jammin to the love of my life- Garth. You might know him, but then again, for all you youngsters (who am I kidding! ignoramuses don't read this blog... only the cool people do:)), you might not. If that is your sad reality, google the man.

Back to the reason why I'm typing!

Just the other night, maybe it was two nights ago now, my roomies and I caught Jerry!

Tom and Jerry - the children's cartoon about grumpy ole' Tom cat trying to catch the cute, yet mischievous, Jerry mouse? Ring a bell folks?

I loved this cartoon like something fierce. Oh man! Wooz could not peal me away from the television set when Tom and Jerry were on, even if her lovely life depended on it. I can recall many a time when she would actually show respect for this love affair and instead of giving me a spank (this is back in the day when you were considered a good parent if you spanked- now, you can be incarcerated for child abuse! Love this country) she would nestle her hinny in the lay-z-boy chair and watch with me. What a cool mom huh!

Anyway, Jerry was my hero. Somehow, he always escaped the tricky kitty. Jerry mouse was cunning, clever, and fast. He was a survivor. That's respectable in a world of gutless men and fake, needy, women .

Well, as mentioned about, Jerry was too quick for just Rayray and Yes- but not for the 3 of us:)

Yeah man! This is a true recollection. Trust.

Jerry was oh-so brave to climb under Yessy's door and prevent her from leaving her own room. I think the odds were in Yes' favor if the two had to duel, but her fright froze her stiff! With, of course, the exception when she called Rachel and told her that a mouse ran under her door.

If she had called me, I would have stayed in bed and laughed. Ray, on the other hand, is so nice, that she woke ME to come participate in catching the little bugger.

After countless hours (totally not exaggerating), a few phone calls to family members who had to deal with these furry creatures on their mission, and several sweat drops later, we caught him!

That little devil Jerry looked so gosh darn cute in the garbage can. Pathetically enough, as I gazed on him with compassion in my heart, I could only think how grateful I am for my height. Heavenly Father just knew that I could never survive as a short specimen.

Luckily, it was an unheavenly hour when we left the house to take Jerry to his new home in the field nearby because I was bra-less, and booty shortin it in a cotton shirt with Uggs. Talk about exposed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I learned a few things:
1. Never let girls scream together
2. Clean crap out from under your bed; you never know when a mouse will make camp
3. Start a ropes course asap; it helps with agility and speed
4. Appreciate the tender mercies God gives- they can come in very weird ways
5. Keep an air soft gun in the closet, just in case Jerry comes back!

Tuna Laundry?

Imagine this-

Sarah standing in the hallway folding a towel as white as snow and Downy soft to the touch.

Rachel sitting at Sarah's desk playing with her compy.

Sarah takes the towel to her nose. She inhales the scent.

S: Why does my laundry smell like Tuna?

With a gusto of a laugh, Rachel busts and leans over to grab her abdomen as she tries to catch her breath.

R: Sarah! Jessica is making Tuna!

Sarah grins and replaces the baffled look.

S: Oh! I was wondering what happened!

Story of my LIFE.